I love what you write.

I know my problem, but I think it's understandable that I ended up confused.

I'm a born bruiser, very big and with two older brothers, one a bit sadistic, my reactions are ...quick. I have six sisters, three of who are very mean. We were trained to be ultra-competitive, especially intellectually. In my teens, I said "you are all insane". I flipped. I became a nice guy. Yeah, it doesn't work, but how was I supposed to know? I was just trying to avoid what seemed inevitable.